My Story

​I’m Hayley I’m 22 and Autistic 

What Annoys Me Is people who assume they know autism

They know someone with autism so they must know a lot

Well no

First awesome you know someone with autism that’s amazing but that’s the thing one person maybe two or three or more you know them no two people with autism are the same we all have different trades,abilities,skills and more

I’ve had people say i know someone with autism and they don’t act like you

Exactly because we are two different people

I try telling people that but they know someone with it so they think we all act like that.

When i was in primary school the school didn’t think to ask kids with disabilities if they wanted to learn a instrument never even crossed there minds until i wanted to play the drums so i did every Friday on assembly for 2 years and loved it

When it came to high school it was just a straight up NO because they though i couldn’t possibly do it because i had a disability there was a lot of things though primary and high school that we were not allowed to do that all the other kids did and it really pissed me off

They didn’t want us doing work experience

They wouldn’t let us sit for nap-plan at all

Treated us like little kids.

I knew i was different from a young age i wasn’t keeping up with others with school work my spelling was horrible and understanding everyday things was hard

I started getting bullied at grade 4 but from grade 5 until i left school in grade 10 my life was hell!.

Bullied pretty much everyday and i would bottle up my feelings for months until i would snap and when that happened all the bully’s acted like i was the horrible one when i was doing it as i found it was the only way to scare them off and leave me alone

I was older then everyone else in my grade as i got kept down a grade.

I started puberty before most of them and i was never a skinny girl but when that hit me i got bigger which didn’t help the bullying at all it made it worse i use to run home (i didn’t live far from the primary school) because i needed to get away on one of the occasions i almost got hit by a car.

People who said were my friends i believed them i would give them my lunch the money i had let them stay at my house give them lifts to places and would go hungry to help them but when i was getting bullied they would turn and bully me as well and then tell me they were sorry and i would believe them and forgive them time after time after time

I didn’t understand what i had fully until i got to high school and by then i hated it

I wished i was never born with it

I would wonder why me

I just want to be “normal” and accepted.

Melt downs kept happening and i was the one in trouble even though i would tell the school day after day after day what was happening but only i would get in trouble and get suspended were they got nothing when we sat in classes who ever had to sit next to me in front of me and behind me would move all their chairs and tables away saying eewwww and haha you have to sit next to the retard.

So i would sit in class and wouldn’t say a word wouldn’t look around but i would still hear every nasty word that was said about me i even tried doing cross country one time and while doing it got rocks thrown at me and told to kill my self because i would hide my eyes with my hair i was called emo people would walk up to me grab my wrists and rub it saying wow you hid the cuts well emo.

I would have people ask me why I’m retarded i would say I’m not i have autism they would answer back with yeah retarded

I hated my self so much and my disability i was extremely depressed and even had eating disorders and was even suicidal at some stages by the end of grade 10 i would sit in the toilets at school and text my mum she kept me sane she took on the school so many times for when i was bullied she knew i was reporting it all the time i stopped eating and was down to a size 8-10 but it wasn’t healthy at all i couldn’t eat in front of anyone as i felt i would be teased even more

I would give all my money to my “friends” as they told me they had no food.

My mother and i agreed that the end of grade 10 i would not be going to school anymore so i had to get a job so i started at Mc Donald’s and left school and met Michael then it got worse the people who i classed as friends stopped talking to me to them i was a ghost i had no friends so i had Mc Donald’s again and again and again and put on so much weight that when i started work at Mc Donald’s i was a size 12 when i finished just over a year of having the job i was a size 20-22 while working there made life hell i was yelled at all the time as i couldn’t remember what was on every burger even after a year of working there i would be in the staff toilets crying i could hear members saying that Mc Donald’s is scrapping the bucket if they are hiring retards which made me hate having autism more

Michael was my first good relationship all of the others were abusers and treated me like Crap!

Little by little i lost weight then i would put it back on and lose it again and back on for over 4 years.

I had teachers tell me all the time i will never achieve anything with my life because of my disability i use to believe them but slowly with the help of my family i slowly started not hating my autism and my self and as time went by i actually wouldn’t want it any other way I’m proud to be autistic sure i have trouble understanding emotions and sarcasm and how others are feeling but i was ok with that.

I Am Hayley And I’m Autistic And Proud

Autism doesn’t have a look

I don’t judge people to me even if your white, black, foren, fat, skinny, disabled, male, female, gay, transgender and well anything else you can think of

To me you aren’t that to me well your just human like me and if you treat me with respect i shall do the same to you

Having autism hasn’t wrecked my life in fact it’s made it better it’s made me see how much of a individual i am.

Oh and yeah i have achieved many things like:

Getting my license (now on my opens)

Im a Lifestyle Support Worker At A Place Called Flexi Care 

I share a rental

I have my own car

I found i have a passion for makeup and cosplay and photography.

I pay my own bills,car payments, electricity and more

And As of the end of last year i started writing my own book on ASD and have become a guest speaker for autism.

So don’t talk to me like I’m two when you find out I’m autistic

Don’t tell me how sorry you feel for me and how brave i am

And how I’m too “pretty” to be autistic

They assume Michael must have it too then

No he doesn’t.

I sometimes don’t know how he’s still here putting up with me I’ve had some pretty bad melt/break downs in the last 5 years where i throw stuff, yell, swear, say nasty things that they know i don’t mean and while all this is happening they hug me and tell me how much they love me and that they know i don’t mean what I’m saying even if i try and break free they hug me tighter

I’ve only had one melt down this year and every year it lessens

Three years ago was my hardest year my parents broke up we had to sell the house that i lived in for 13 years i lost my dog and my beloved princess who was my world (cat) she passed right before we moved she was 18 years old

I lost friends and i lost family people who i thought i would never lose i found even the closest people in your life can hurt you

People ask me why i tell people I’m autistic well it’s so they can understand me more like why i mite not look them in the face while they talk to me or while i talk to them

Why i can’t stay still

Why i cant understand sarcasm or jokes

Why i mite not know what emotions they are feeling or showing 

Why my anxiety is acting up or why I’m having a break down or melt down

So if you know someone with autism please remember we are as human as you are we have feelings, needs and dreams

Don’t tell us what we can and can’t do as we will prove to you we can do anything we set our minds too and remember no two are the same.

This story that i wrote changed my life after i posted it over a yea4 ago it went viral through the autism community and that’s when i started writing my book and doing guest speaking I’m always changing this even to this day as i accomplish more and more.

As i said before I’m a Lifestyle Support Worker At a place called Flexi Care and only 3-4 years ago i was a client their my self

I have even started a local ASD group which is going amazingly as there was nothing in my town at all.

And in October 2015 i had Gastric Sleeve Surgery and i haven’t looked back my arthritis was that bad i could hardly walk at all and as you read up more I’ve had trouble with my weight most my life my doctor told me i was a borderline diabetic at 21 from all the years i yoyoed and had eating disorders so that surgery gave me my health and life back its now been almost a year since i had the operation and I’ve lost over 40kgs.

I don’t know if i put this in my story but 3-4 months after my amazing cat passed away i got a Pomeranian which is a breed i always wanted and i can say he is the most amazing dog since having him I’ve only had 1 yes 1 break down in 1 year and 2 months which is my best yet as i tried to lessen them each year. (Sadly broke it a month later).

And on the 03/04/16 i organized my first fundraiser ever and i only had 3 weeks to do it in and it went amazingly we raised over $800 for Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect) and we will be doing it for years more

And raised over $200 for Autism Queensland with their go blue for autism 

In June i spoke at my first workshop in front of lots of people 

And as of July i got passed a course on ADHD and Autism with flying colours

And I’m always studying and researching ASD.

This story is ever changing and i like that as it shows me how far I’ve come.

-Hayley.

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7 thoughts on “My Story

  1. Dear Hayley.. I’m from India and I’m so proud of u for standing up for yourself and finding your groove… keep it up…
    Your story feels like what my son has been going through all his life and is still going through as he’s still got 2 more years before he passes out. I just hope and pray he finds the courage and confidence like u to lead an independent life. Thank you for writing about ur life it helps parents like us to understand our child and gives us hope. Thank u for giving me hope. God bless u always

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What an amazing story. Thank you for sharing your life’s obstacles with having Autism. I have a 15 yr old son that has autism and he does well academically in school but socially he is awkward he doesn’t really have friends and he is in puberty and wants a girlfriend but does alot of really grose behaviors that the girls don’t like. He hits his father and I he bites and pinches and throws things I did finally get services in my home for him that help when they are here but when they leave he acts up.
    I worry for him as he gets older. But reading your story made me feel good that with some more hard work that hopefully my son will be able to fit in.. I’m sorry you were bullied in school. I really don’t like bullies . And people who judge. Keep up the good work..you are amazing and so beautiful as well .

    Like

    1. I have a brother who sounds alot like your son my brother is 27 and he use to hit .me abused me and he would completely forgot about it pretty much instently he lived with us until about 3 months ago as mum my other half and i couldn’t take it anymore and told him he had to move out

      Like

  3. Thank you Hayley. Your story gives me hope. My son will be 4 on the 19th of January and in April this year he was diagnosed with autism. Very recently he started finally reacting with words at stimula and this has been a major breakthrough for him, as until then he was almost totally non verbal. All i wish for him is to have a life as normal as he can have. I woud love him to graduate, get a job, find someone to love. Your blog is making me think that maybe he will be able to accomplish all this. Good luck for your future!

    Like

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